VIRGO 🌞GEMINI🌛AQUARIUS 💫
My mom went on two dates with my dad. They went to the movies and they went to a concert. The next thing she knows my dad is coming in for a blood test at the hospital because back then they did that first before marriage. He wrote her a letter saying how he was getting married to a woman because she became pregnant. My mother didn’t see my father for almost 5 years. During that time she dated a man for 4 years. My dad raised a son and had a daughter. Suddenly, the man broke up with my mom over a tuna fish sandwich. They were going to get married, but he fell in love with someone else. My mom lost a lot of weight and became depressed. She prayed for a man, even if he was divorced. My mom saw my dad one day directing school traffic. He was a patrol man at the time. He reached out to her, told her he was divorced, and he wanted to take her out. That was their second beginning. Love is not pretty nor is it ever on time. The true testament of love is if it lasts despite all that. Can it survive through the roughest of tests.
I reached out to you but I feel like I just made it worst. Now I can’t stop thinking horrible things like you moved on. You hooked up with someone else. You had a great time. That’s all you need is someone who can secretly be there for you. No strings attached. Jesus why do I feel this way with you. It’s sad but it’s like I want to control you. I want you all to myself which is no way to have someone. You must be so happy now. I thought I was over you. That is why I blocked you. I thought you didn’t know what you wanted. I thought you wanted someone else. Not me. All I ever wanted was to be with you. In the real way. I can’t seem to have you all to myself. I can’t seem to let you go.
I’m scared that I am becoming obsessed with you instead of my care free self. You know when we first went out, we were two happy people. Now we’re full of stress and doubt, at least I am. But I keep thinking that maybe we can make each other happy again. Spend time to really get to know one another. Or maybe I’m just trying to manipulate you to come with me. I hate manipulation. I don’t want to hurt you because I don’t want to hurt myself. If you give love, you will receive love in return. I want to be in a place of love and happiness. And maybe you have already set a path of happiness already. Maybe I’m being way to forward and I want to jump in so fast with you. Like I keep wanting everything from you, to do things with you and for you. Maybe that’s why I felt disappointed in the past when things didn’t work out the way I thought they would. But when do they ever? We are never in the same place at the same time. Time will tell I suppose.
Hey…I know it’s been a long time. I don’t know how you are or if you are seeing anyone, but for some reason I have been thinking about you a lot. I feel like I have so much to tell you, but I don’t even know if you are in the same place emotionally or you have finally gotten to the point of forgetting me. I don’t know what’s pulling me towards you or if you are even willing to talk to me again. I feel like we are constantly in the wrong place at the wrong time. I don’t know what it all means, but I think we need closure.
I haven’t felt this way in three years. Three years ago you picked me up in your arms. Three years ago, we kissed a kiss that stays stuck on my mind. After all this time, why do I choose to let the memory resurface? After all that happened? Why do you affect me now?
Hey I need to talk to you. I know it’s been a long time, but something inside of me keeps telling me I need to open up about things. I don’t care if you are in a different place. I need to speak from where I am at now because otherwise I feel I can’t move on.
Both descriptions may apply to conjunctions.
Sextile, trine, or quintile Sun: The native has a well-defined sense of self & remarkable inner security. They thrive when in conflict with an oppressive force or structure & feed on all kinds of attention, positive or negative. They take pride in their radical traits; they are liberated by unapologetic self-expression. Shame is not part of their vocabulary. Social discord is entertaining. The identity relies on breaking stereotypes, standing out, or rebelling somehow. Hedonism can become a severe self-sabotaging issue if the enjoyment of freedom goes too far or inflates the ego to the point of unhealthy confidence. These people typically find trouble wherever they go, and are easily bored by rules & standards.
Square, opposite, or quincunx Sun: The native is constantly met with criticism, rejection, or exclusion for their individuality, and this causes them to hide or repress the most unique parts of themselves. They despise expectations, and when others have any measure of control over them they can become hostile or deeply troubled. They have a painful yearning for freedom but fear the reactions they are used to receiving. A significant amount of their energy will be spent learning how to express themselves openly & shamelessly. Social stigma or stifling of the identity in whatever form will be the primary catalyst for discovery and realization of self. They will be forced to accept themselves.Sextile, trine, or quintile Moon: The native is comfortable exploring the darker & more unconventional parts of who they are. They instinctually understand their aberrant or taboo qualities, and they are not afraid of them; they’re naturally introspective when it comes to rejection or exclusion and intuitively realize what separates them from others. They use their emotions & imagination to highlight their individuality; they also find freedom in emotional expression. They are not tied down to the person they were raised to be, and do not limit themselves to a personal standard any more than a societal standard – they are able to break away from habitual conformity or self-stifling habits in general.
Square, opposite, or quincunx Moon: The native is emotionally upset by rejection and may cling to tradition or other metaphorical “safety blankets” developed in childhood in order to avoid social discord. They habitually repress their dark, taboo, or aberrant qualities out of discomfort & insecurity. They’re afraid of fully expressing themselves, and being free in their individuality is a frighteningly foreign concept; they shy away from situations that prompt them to stand out or rebel and will retreat into a shell of reservations when faced with the opportunity to break or bend a standard. The emotional equilibrium is ravaged by criticism, exclusion, and alienation. They feel painfully isolated.Sextile, trine, or quintile Mercury: The native is able to logically analyze social stigmas & standards, and intellectually deconstruct the power those have over individual lives (especially their own). Reason consistently prevails over peer pressure. Their ideas and the way they communicate them are radical in some way and receive much attention, good or bad. Criticism is easily combated with the mind; they are able to see through others’ opinions and separate themselves from judgement, and are thus free to think the way they want to – free thought defines their mindscape, and they are lost without it. Mental/verbal exchanges shape their understanding of society. Controversy deeply intrigues them.
Square, opposite, or quincunx Mercury: The native has little faith in their ability to accurately comprehend themselves, others, or society as a whole, and therefore may place monumental importance on other people’s opinions. They are easily stressed by having to explain themselves or their actions; judgement and criticism easily shut them down. They are quick to label their ideas or their interpersonal & communicative mannerisms as strange and unwanted, so they may choose to be quiet and reserved rather than put their mind on display. They have a very difficult time defending themselves or rationalizing their place in a group. They can’t use their logical mind to escape twisted social structures.Sextile, trine, or quintile Venus: The native easily merges personal freedom & social graces to create a naturally appealing individuality which gains positive attention & reactions from others, no matter how taboo or radical. Controversy is a part of the unique style; in other words, this person wears ignominy well, and may use it to their advantage in an attractive way. Others admire or romanticize their aberrant qualities. The native’s personal tastes and preferences support a happily outcast identity; criticism & judgement serve as signs of being socially relevant, and they make being different fashionable. Extreme hedonism is tied to this aspect, especially in relationships that aren’t widely acceptable.
Square, opposite, or quincunx Venus: The native is torn in a heightened conflict between individuality and conformity, particularly in the context of relationships or style. The vacillation between radical subversion of social standards and passive adherence to them is a matter of choosing between happiness and harmony, both of which are crucially important. The native may lose relationships or general popularity for their stigmatized qualities, which deeply harms their self-esteem. They wish to fully be themselves but cannot reconcile that with the risks that come with it – they are unsure of its worth, which subsequently leads to uncertain self-worth as a whole.Sextile, trine, or quintile Mars: The native possesses an unconquerable willpower which seldom bends for anyone else, and there is little care for others’ disapproval of it. If something is desired, it is achieved; the expectations and opinions of other people have little to no influence. No social stigma, criticism, or oppressive standard can get in the way of the native’s drive. They regularly break rules and disregard structures that don’t serve their initiatives, and charge forward without waiting for anyone to forgive, accept, or get used to them. Their sexuality is openly expressed; they are proud of their taboo desires. Going against popular belief fuels their inner fire, impassions and excites them.
Square, opposite, or quincunx Mars: The native is easily infuriated by notions, structures, or actions which they perceive as threatening of their autonomy, and they typically react with hostility when others criticize or attempt to control them in any way. They are unable to handle judgement, often reject the opinions of others before they’ve even heard them, and thus usually have a narrow view of most things, lacking the capacity to see other perspectives. Their one-track mind can cause them to lack foresight & create immense social conflict/discord where it is not necessary or appropriate. All of this stems from a deep fear of of others defining them, so they invert it into aggressive opposition of others & abrasively assume the role of “outcast” before others can force them into it.Sextile, trine, or quintile Jupiter: The native’s mind is filled with grand philosophies of the truth about society and why stigmas & standards must be broken for spiritual growth. They find enlightenment through liberation; freedom is more important to them than anything else because it fulfills them in every way and allows them to expand their intellect. Likewise, they use their intellect to expand their freedom, as well as the freedom of others. They may become something of a social pioneer or modern guru, teaching about the detrimental nature of the status quo and encouraging others to go against the norm. They don’t believe in conformity. Their beliefs separate them from the majority.
Square, opposite, or quincunx Jupiter: The native may attach to philosophies solely for the sake of controversy. They may become so invested in being different that they no longer care if they are right. Their morality is selfish; their beliefs & personal code revolve around a set of faux rules which permit them to be hedonistic or destructive for the sake of “liberation.” Unhealthy, harmful habits are proudly paraded around under the guise of self-empowered notions. Self-control feels unbearably limiting and stifling, even if it’s for their own good. They can become “special snowflake” types, and attempt to preach their flawed ideas so that others follow them in their “enlightened” lifestyle and thus validate it.Sextile, trine, or quintile Saturn: Much of the native’s power comes from the innate ability to rework social limitations into structures that serve their purpose and growth. They are incredibly wise when it comes to the sensitivity of culture and know their place in society, as well as how to change it. They understand that freedom comes with responsibility and it does not come free; they possess the self-discipline necessary to cultivate true self-liberation and they aren’t afraid of putting in the effort to create the individuality they want to be known for. They handle stigma with grace, and rationally deconstruct the paradigms of others so that they begin to question why they believe in certain standards & “norms.”
Square, opposite, or quincunx Saturn: The native easily becomes consumed by the “process” of “becoming themselves” – they get caught up in the changes that need to be made within themselves or in their environment before they can allow themselves to be fully self-expressive. They limit themselves with their own expectations, can become hindered by tradition, and place too much importance on the judgement & disapproval of authority figures. They care about the structural integrity of society, and don’t wish to compromise its strength, so they tend to repress all that is aberrant, controversial, or radical about themselves; they see self-liberation as selfish, non-productive, and unnecessarily dissonant.Sextile, trine, or quintile Uranus: The native possesses very extreme views and opinions on society which others either love or hate them for. They often behave outrageously for the fun of it, and do or say things that may cause discord because gives them an electric, purposeful feeling. They disregard all social limitations and couldn’t care less about acceptance. They are the bona fide rebel. Nothing & no one can prevent them from being the person they want to be. Liberation runs in their blood. They don’t believe in any social order which hinders individual autonomy, and they have a desire to change society to make room for “the atypicals” like them. They use their freedom to free others.
Square, opposite, or quincunx Uranus: Much of the traits for harmonious Lilith-Uranus aspects apply here as well, but in a harsher, more desperate sense. The native knows the pain and isolation of being rejected, humiliated, alienated, and ostracized, so they devote a lot of their energy to radically changing the social climate for the better. They have an ironic moral code; while they reject the morality of others, they follow their own rules. Their rebellion is decisive and purposeful rather than hedonistic or self-congratulating; they have a vision, a grand and noble goal of collective freedom which begins with them. They wish to change society almost as punishment for their oppressors.Sextile, trine, or quintile Neptune: The native effortlessly, unconsciously evades social boundaries; cultural restrictions can’t contain them, because they slip away from rules and judgement non-violently, mysteriously. They live almost independent of social structure, outside of the realm of conformity. Others often romanticize their aberrant qualities & paint them as figures of graceful rebellion & unapologetic individuality, even though they may not intend to come across as such – they are just existing, but they do so with a gentle limitlessness envied by others. They draw inspiration and spiritual fulfillment from liberation, and feel most free when their soul (or subconscious mind) is uninhibited.
Square, opposite, or quincunx Neptune: The native is easily confused or lost within social boundaries; they can’t comprehend others’ judgements or the rules placed upon them, and this creates deep interpersonal discomfort which invades the subconscious mind and the soul, surfacing through dreams, art, & emotions (which are the only places they feel free). They may cling to religion/spirituality to find their individuality. They can’t differentiate external standards from interior goals/desires and often chase ideals that aren’t their own. Others demonize their aberrant qualities and label them inaccurately. They liberate themselves through deceit, illusion, and escapism, as it is the only way they know how to.Sextile, trine, or quintile Pluto: The native is intimately connected to their individuality, possessing a raw, resilient relationship to the darkest parts of who they are which separate them from others. They are immensely courageous when it comes to experiencing the taboo & controversial parts of society, entirely unafraid of things others try to ignore. They transform through unapologetic self-expression, and find rebirth through liberation. Their sexuality is deep and powerful, extreme and different, and they are proud of this; it is part of their identity, part of the way they rebel from society’s control over ego. They never allow society or other people to control them in any way. They own themselves.
Square, opposite, or quincunx Pluto: The native is terrified of being controlled, and has extremely adverse emotional reactions to anything they perceive as having the potential to limit their freedom. They are paranoid of society’s power to erase individuality. They go to severe measures to protect their identity and autonomy, resorting to secrecy, manipulation, lies, and hostility to defend what they are afraid will be taken from them or exposed. They are fundamentally ashamed, guilty, and fearful; criticism and judgement harms their self-image. Their dark, taboo, aberrant traits are out of control, particularly their “unacceptable” sexual desires. They’re ruled by an obsession with individuality & liberation, which ironically damages or decreases their individual freedom.
Hey.
I miss you.
I want to talk to you, but all I do is talk to you in my dreams.
How are you?
Erte/Romain de Tirtoff (1892 – 1990)
Earth’s Dream